Mash. (stream of consciousness Saturday)

Mash. Mesh. Mush. Merge. Come together. As one. Mashed potatoes.

Pretty sure these aren’t actual synonyms, so don’t take my word for it. For that, google is your best friend.

I’ve always learned that the ultimate goal in any relationship is to become one, one flesh -inseparable and broken if torn apart- and for the longest time, nothing appealed to me more. I loved the idea of getting to lose myself in another, not having to worry so much about myself. Of belonging. Of having someone else be my home.

Oh, how things have changed.

Now, as I’m learning to come home to myself and have that be enough, I’m beginning to see that this merging with another, this mashing of souls, if you will, might not be all it’s made out to be.

Remind me again why I should strive to belong to someone else? I want to be my own, always my own, even when I do decide to let someone else inside of this home I’ve built. Just because I allow them to enter doesn’t mean they suddenly own the building.

I no longer seek for another to complete me, I’m not a half in need. I am whole, and if I’m going to share all of me with you, I need to know that you will open your hands and hold space for me, but never close the grip. I need to know that I will be free to be all of me, with all of you, and still be complete if you decide to leave.

Not that I want you to, you know I never like the leaving. But if you do, I need to know that you won’t take half of me with you when you go. That even if you leaving would hurt like hell I would still be okay, because I’d still have me.

Mashed is good and all, but I like my people intact.

(This post is in responce to the SoSC prompt “mash”.)

//Hanna

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