(This post is all stream of consciousness writing in response to SoSC’s prompt “flag”. Join in if you’d like!)
Growing up, I heard all about the red flags, and man where there many of them. So hard to keep track.
It seemed as if everyone made it their job to make absolutely sure I wouldn’t end up falling victim to one and becoming a literal bull’s eye.
The problem was; them doing so turned them into a whole bunch of matadors waving big red flags in the air, saying “this is what it looks like! Keep your eyes peeled, and any time you see a flag this color you run as fast as you can, okay?”
I know they meant well, but not only did their franctic efforts to rescue me from harm make me see red everywhere, they made me into a bull, eyes constantly searching out the very thing that will bring me pain.
It’s gone so far that when I hear a flag swaying in the wind I don’t even bother to check, I just assume it must be red.
But what about green flags? Why did no one ever tell me about those?
Because certainly if there are red ones everywhere, there must be some green ones too.
What about you? Are you red or green?
The way you ask me how I’m doing and really want me to answer, even though you asked me the same question last night. The way you get really silly and goofy just to make me laugh. The way you leave the door open for me, as a subtle welcome for me to come in and just be with you but how you still don’t close it behind me when I do, just to make sure I don’t feel in any way trapped. The way you work on your shit and let me in on it. The way you cry in pretty much every movie and aren’t afraid to show it. The way you ask questions that make me dive deep. How we encourage each other to grow. How it’s so okay for us to be quiet but how we can still talk for hours. How we just simply enjoy each other’s company.
Sure, you’re not perfect, but neither am I.
And I know red-green color blindness is a very real thing and sometimes I get scared I might have some of that.
That the different pigments will blend and flow together like two strands intertwined until they create one whole, big fabric, and that I won’t be able to tell which color it all is.
But then again, maybe we’re all made up of both red and green and maybe, just maybe, we’re not supposed to judge the color of anyone before we’ve looked closely enough to see the individual strands making them up.
We’re all such complex creatures, but somehow we’re still addicted to making everything as simple as possible.
Or maybe I’m the one making it too complicated, and my very problem is that I look so closely I can no longer objectively judge which color I see, because I see it all. All the details, all the why’s, all the ups and downs.
Because once you understand what happened to make a person what they are you suddenly know why they think and act the way they do, and then it becomes a lot harder making up your mind about if they are good or bad.
Once you take the time to read between the obvious lines, you discover all kinds of stories,
and I do this all the time.
Maybe that makes me color blind, or maybe it means I see all the colors vividly saturated. Who knows.
All I know is, you look green to me.