Pillow thoughts.

“Jesus, I miss writing.”
“Then write.”

How can I ever forget that it’s that simple?

How can I ever fail to realize that I never have to go on missing what is in my power to take back?

How silly of me.

We say it constantly; “one day, when I have enough time, I will do it.

When I no longer have so much to do
I will spend my time doing the things
I always wanted.”

Always then.
Some day.
In the far off future.

No.

I’m done.

Why then, when I can do the things I always wanted, right now, this very moment?

Why would I waste another doing things I couldn’t care less about instead of spending each one on things that actually matter,
on what makes my heart come alive?

Life is way too short
to forget
and too sacred
to be wasted.

Yes, time is always moving, but it is never running out. Not for us.

We are eternal and
I want to spend my life singing a song that will echo into eternity.

I don’t want it to be yet another one faded and forgotten before it has even truly been heard;

I want it to make a difference.

Truly make a difference.

I want it to be there long after I’m gone.

I want my children’s children’s children to hear it and
I want their future to be changed because of it.
I want their life to look different because of the sound of my life.
I want my song to open their ears to hear their own
and for them to then sing it with all their might,
with everything in them.

I don’t want them to be mastered by time-
I want them to master it.

I don’t want them to be scared of it running out-

I want them to squeeze every drop of life out of each second,

drink it all in,

and carefully savour every colorful flavour each drop holds.

I want them to live the better life.

For that to happen,
I need to do this.
I need to not let the busyness of my everyday rob me of my passion.

I need to not allow it to distract me
and let me forget

that rain drops falling on my face in the middle of a drought makes me cry and
that thinking about the sweet friendships I have always puts a silly smile on my face and a “thank you” on my lips.

I need to stop fighting it.
Time is not my enemy;
She is my friend
And from now on
I will invite her in and,

With gratefulness,

receive every gift

that she brings.

//Hanna

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