So thankful. 

I’m beginning my third day back home and my heart is so full. I am so thankful.

Marion came to get me at the railway station and I don’t have words to describe to you how it felt to finally hug my best friend again. So much love. 

My mom and my brother were not going to be home until around 4pm and I my train arrived at 10am, so Marion and I spent the day together. It was the perfect way to start my time back home. It made me feel like I was kind of easing into it, not having to meet everybody at once, not having to give short hugs because you have to get to everyone, but to be able to hold on tight, as long as possible. And then some more. 

  I was so overwhelmed as it was, sitting in the passenger seat on our way to Jakobstad. It was just so strange, being in this familiar place once again. So strange realizing that now I don’t have one home anymore; I have two. 

I’ve lost track of how many times over these past few days I’ve said home and meant California. That’s home too. It’s strange, that no matter where I am, I can call it home. 

  Well, we did a bunch of things that we used to do. 

We went to Fäboda and had a picnic. We had a picnic blanket but we ended up under it because it was freezing. I’m definatedly not used to the Finnish climate. Still, it was worth it. You gotta see the beach.

We drove around town checking out all the new constructions and we checked out the new mall. 

We found a sheltered place and just layed in the grass soaking up the sun for a good while. It’s not hot here by any means, but if you find the right spot you can still be outside and enjoy the sun. There’s hope.

Then we drove around some more, because that’s what we do. I have a feeling Jakobstad will see a lot more of her little car in the upcoming months, once again. 

  I can’t describe to you how good it feels not having to catch up, not having to try to remember everything that has happened these past 9 months. We both already know it all. There’s no rush. We jokingly say that we should start giving advice on long distance- relationships, because we’ve done a darn good job at it. Communication is key. We’ve had many long phone calls, sometimes almost 6 hours, and just spent the day together. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, and I can only agree. 

  When the rest of my family came home we went there to meet them. It was so good to see them too. It still feels like home. I was told that a surprise was waiting for me in my room, and as soon as I opened the door I saw it. The whole wall above my bed was filled with post-it notes with messages, and in the middle it said “Welcome home Hanna ❤️”. Marion made it for me. She said that she wanted to fill the whole wall but that she didn’t have time to. Well, I won’t take them down, that’s for sure. So Marion, if you want to continue you’re more than welcome to haha. I’m just afraid that if you do, I won’t ever bee able to fall asleep. I was hardly able to as it is. 

  I had slept for 2 hours the previous night and for around 8 in total over the course of the last 3, so I was in desperate need for some sleep. I intended to read them before bed, but that didn’t really go as planned. I didn’t even get to five before I was bawling. My heart was, and is still, overflowing with thankfulness. How did it turn out this good? How did I end up with a friendship like this? It is such a gift and came at the exact right time. 
  I tried to continue reading and read about two more and was on my face with tears of joy rolling down my cheeks once again. That’s how I read the whole wall, so believe me when I say it took me a good while.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus. 

That was all I could say, that was all I could whisper. Thank you. 

  Eventually, but still all of a sudden, the joyful tears turned into laughter. Not the careful kind. Deep, deep belly- laughter. God has filled me with joy before so I know how it feels, laughing from the depths of my spirit, but this was more powerful than ever before. It was just as if He was tickling me. I was laughing and laughing, so hard that my stomach muscles were aching. I layed on my bed in that manner for over an hour, non stop. It was wonderful and painful at the same time. At some point I, as I was gasping for air, said ouch , ouch, ouch and asked Him to stop, but we both knew I didn’t really want Him to. I gladly welcome soreness if it is from laughing. That, my friends, is a good sore. 

  I could feel Him so close. I could feel Him rejoicing and delighting in me. I could feel how excited he was that I was home and how He knew that this summer is going to be wonderful. Full of intimacy. 

He said that joy is my strenght and that I need to be full of it. That if I want to be able to pour out I need to be filled to overflow. He said that the river is always flowing and that I can come to Him and get more anytime I want. 

I honestly don’t think I’ve ever laughted that hard in my life. 

  I ended up on my bedroom floor in the dark, in the middle of the night, just praising and thanking Him. My greatest friend of all, He who fills my heart with joy and thankfulness. 

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, 

the holy habitation of the most high. 

God is in the midsth of her; 

she shall not be moved; 

God will help her when morning dawns. 

– Psalm 46:4-5 –

I know that river now. I know it because I’ve been in it. 

At the end of the day, how full you are of Him and how close you feel doesn’t depend on where you are. 

It’s all about a heart to heart connection with Him. 

I wasn’t trying hard. I was just letting out the thank you that was stirring in the depths of my heart. 

He met me in the middle of the night, while I was alone, laying on my bed.   

He can do the same with you.

That is what He longs for. 

You just have to let Him in.

I know this is a long post, so if you made it to the end, congratulations! I’m not sorry though. 

there is no way I could make it short when it is about my two very best friends. 

3 thoughts on “So thankful. 

  1. Mirjam L. says:

    Wow Hanna! Såå fint, så bra, så uppmuntrande att läsa! Helt fantastiskt att få höra om hur Gud har rört vid ditt hjärta. Gud välsigne dig, ser fram emot att få träffa dig igen! ❤


  2. Patricia says:

    Hej Hanna!
    Jag känner inte dig, alls. Jag snubblade in på ditt instagram konto och jag förundrades över din fantastiska förmåga att fånga det vackra, det lilla, det underbara i den vackra skapelsen vi lever i. De där stunderna då man tittar upp och säger jag vet att det var du Gud, tack. Dina målningar talar om Honom. Han som ställer oss på klippan. Han som ger den svara styrka mitt i kampen. Det är underbart!
    Så från instagram trillade jag in på din blogg och läste detta inlägg. Vad kan jag säga. Det var som om Gud rörde mig genom det. Jag vet hur det känns att skratta så. Jag vet hur det känns att gråtta och viska och be och sedan omslutas i ett skratt som kommer från Honom. Jag älskar ditt sätt att skriva. Att lägga ord på det du uuplevt. Det var starkt. Vackert. Jag älskar ord. Och jag vill barasäga att det var en uppmuntran att läsa. Gud är god. Han är trofast. Han är underbar. Han har förvandlat mitt liv. Mitt hjärta. Jag ser det vackra. Det lilla. Allt han gjort och jag älskar att vara med honom.


    P.s Fäboda är underbart!


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