As I was going through my old journal yesterday I found something that turned out to be a lot more significant than I thought it was when I wrote it down. I thought I would share it with you. So here we go, straight from the pages of my journal.
May 9, 2016
This whole day has been cold and rainy but now in the evening it cleared up and the weather got really nice so I went out for a walk. I got to a park I had never been at before. I was just about to walk past it when the cliffs and the woods behind behind it caught my eye. I love jumping on cliffs and wandering around in the forest and with the evening sun piercing through the trees it was irresistable.
I walked through the park with it’s sandbox and it’s swings and climbed up the cliffs behind it. I was just about to enter the woods when I felt God telling me to stop, turn around and look out over the park because He had something He wanted to tell me.
Later it hit me how easy it is to miss His voice. I had walked the entire time talking with Jesus so I already had “my radio on the right channel” so to speak, but if I wouldn’t have done that I might just have missed it all.
I did as I was told and just stood there letting my eyes gaze over the playground. I asked Him what it was He wanted to tell me and in an instant it was clear as day. He spoke it all straight into my heart.
“It’s time for you to go out of the safe playground. There’s a time for everything. I have been with you there every moment but now I want to take you further. There is so much more. The park is exciting when you’re little but when you grow up it starts to feel rather boring and small. Then you don’t feel like you need your Daddy as much anymore. But when you enter the woods, the unknown, you will feel my presence so much clearer. I have always been there, but when you don’t know where the next step is going to take you you are going to be so much more dependant on me.”
I started walking into this beautiful new forest that He brought me into with a “yes please, bring it on” -attitude. I want everything God is saying that He has for me. It was so beautiful, with the evening sun and the birds singing. The rain from earlier had made it all grow with an almost visible speed and made the trees glimmer in the light. I wanted to go and explore the entire forest but I didn’t get far until God told me to stop and go back. I didn’t really want to, but I still did. I giggled a bit at how He just dared to tease me like that. It turned out He did have a good reason for it though.
He told me that when He takes me into the unknown He doesn’t want or expect me to run at it all at once, but to take it at the pace He is leading me. He did tell me that I’m coming back so I didn’t have to leave it for good.
As I was walking back through the park I asked Him if we, once we when have entered into the woods, ever get to come back to the park. The answer was yes.
“You always will have a little kid inside of you. A kid that needs to be able to just have fun with Daddy. That doesn’t change even if you are in the depths of the forest. In fact, that is the place were you learn to become like a child all over again. It’s in the forest you’ll really realize how dependant you are on your Daddy.”
As I was reading this it dawned on me how true it actually was. I didn’t fully understand at the time, but now I do. I wasn’t even entirely sure I heard right, but now I am.
He did take me out of the playground. He did lead me into the woods, into the unknown. Into a place where I needed to be entirely dependant on Him. He did teach me to be like a kid again. It has been better than I could have ever imagined. I am convinced that the forest, the big unknown, it the best place to be. It is filled with His love and presence, with growth, intimacy and utter dependance. It has been the best year of my life so far. I might now be coming back to the playground for a season, but what I have gained in the forest will stay with me. Even at the playground, when I am just having fun, He is right there with me, closer than my very breath. No matter where I am, no matter what happens, I will always, always be His little girl.
When done reading I looked at the date and could hardly believe my eyes. I wrote this May 9, 2016. My graduation, the clear ending of this forest season I have now been in, was May 9, 2017. What are the odds!?